Monday, March 7, 2016

Changing our World #tcrwp #comments4kids

For the last few months, third graders have been working on opinion/argument writing in workshop.  We first began by developing opinions about the characters or themes in the books we were reading.  Now, we're writing to convince others about changes we think need to be made or people we think should be recognized.

During writing workshop for the past few weeks, students have been revising and editing a speech that they felt particularly passionate about.  Some students will be presenting these speeches in front of others.  Others chose to present via VoiceThread to a more global audience.  Please listen and leave a comment to these convincing speeches!

Miss Darby's Class










Mrs. Ankerson's Class











Mrs. Ayer's Class





56 comments:

  1. Please post comments about Ava's "Longer Recess" speech here.

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  2. Please post comments for Hazel P's "Baking at RES" speech here.

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  3. Please post comments for Katie O's "My Dad" speech here.

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  4. Please post comment's for Ben R's "Mrs. Marcotte" speech here.

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  5. Please post comments for Finn H's "Bigger Playground" speech here.

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  6. Please place comments for Crosby's "Read All Day" speech here.

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  7. Please place comments for Indira's "Cheer & Sports Groups at RES" speech here.

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  8. Please place comments for Lila's "Good BFF" speech here.

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  9. Please place comments for Hazel J's "Lida's a Good Friend" speech.

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  10. Please place comments for Christina's "Friend Like Sonya" speech here.

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  11. Please place comments for Leo's "Legoland" speech here.

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  12. Please place comments for Ethan's "My Cat Starfire" speech here.

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  13. Please place comments for Finn M's "Fundraising Door-to-Door for Jump Rope for Heart" speech here.

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  14. Please place comments for Tessa's "We Need to Go to Europe" speech here.

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  15. Please place comments for Griffin's "We Need a Wobbegong Shark" speech here.

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  16. Dear Crosby,

    We just listened to your speech "Read All Day." One thing we really liked about your speech was how you directly addressed your audience. For example, when you said, "I'm talking to you, Mr. Berry," it felt like you were really giving your speech! We also like how your speech included humorous parts.

    We were a little confused by your reading log section because we didn't understand your evidence or how it fit into your speech.

    All in all, we really enjoyed your speech.

    Sincerely,

    Miss Darby's Class

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  17. Dear Ethan,
    We just listened to your speech about Starfire.We liked how you addressed the audience when you said "you should see him". You also gave us a good image in our minds. We thought that you should speak louder. All in all we liked your speech.
    Your friends
    Aiden and Ava

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  18. Dear Leo,
    I liked how you said the ride "lifted your spirits," because it was touching and made his audience feel like they should go there. I've gone to Legoland before and it was really fun. Was this speech written for your family?
    Sincerely,
    Finn

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  19. hazel and zanderMarch 7, 2016 at 8:30 AM

    Dear Christina,
    I liked how you talked a lot about Sonya and it was very serious. I didn't get what you said about the bully because there are no bullies exactly at our school.

    Sincerely,
    Hazel and Zander

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  20. Eben and Katie HMarch 7, 2016 at 8:38 AM

    Dear Finn,

    We just listened to your speech about a "Bigger Playground." One thing we really liked about your speech was when you said to Mr. Berry, "You probably like playing on the playground when you were a kid, too, Mr. Berry."

    One thing you could do to improve your speech is to make eye contact with your audience.

    Very interesting speech,
    Eben and Katie H.

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  21. Brady and HannahMarch 7, 2016 at 8:40 AM

    Dear Finn H,
    We really like your SPEECH.Finn we really like how you looked at you'r audience. Butt i as in hannah think you should. Mabby like add more details.Like thing to get on the playground.Like what you would want on the playground.

    love Brady J. And Hannah D.

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  22. Dear Crosby, I liked how you really talked to your audience. Like you said, "I'm talking to you Mr.Berry, ya you!" And like how you added in the personal story!

    Sincerely,
    Estelle

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  23. Dear Tessa,

    We ( Lida and Niko) just watched your speech! One thing we liked about your speech was when you spoke directly to your audience, your mom because it was kind of funny when you said you need to get your memory checked seriously. It confused us at the end when you said I hope you see Even and Miya soon.

    from Lida and Niko.

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  24. Brady G and Sarah KMarch 7, 2016 at 8:44 AM

    Dear Griffin,
    I liked how you said you could study the Wobbegong Shark. Also, we got confused when you said it could calm your brother down how would a shark calm down your brother.
    your friend's
    Sarah and Brady G

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  25. Andrew & Katie OMarch 7, 2016 at 8:53 AM

    Dear Lila,
    We just listened to your speech, "Good BFF." We liked the part when you convinced us about how best friends
    can stand up for each other. We also liked how you used humor, like when you said Hazel will come in like a "crazy karate chicken."
    We wish we could have heard more stories about your friendship with Hazel.
    It sounds like you love Hazel!
    Sincerely, Andrew and Katie O.

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  26. Dear Christina,
    I like the bit of humor you used in your speech. I really think you proved that sonya is a great friend. And that I like how you said that sonya can relate to her friends feelings.
    sincerely,
    Jordan

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  27. Dear Ethan,
    we think your speech is really meaningful. And thank you for that . But we think your speech needs more evidence. How old is starfire?

    Your friends
    Crosby,Lila

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  28. Dear Ethan,

    You did a great job explaining your cat.
    But why is she so scared?

    Your friends,
    Malachai and Logan

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  29. Dear Griffin,

    We think you should speak louder, but we liked how you read fluently.Where would you put a shark in your house?

    Sincerely,
    River W & christina Q

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  30. Dear Lila,
    I loved your speech "Good BFF!"I loved how you said that..."Hazel will be there every step of the way."It felt really inspiring!You are right friendship can e really hard.


    Sincerely,Eva!

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  31. Dear Griffin,
    We like that you told the reader a fact. But the reasons could have had a little more details. Do you know a lot about sharks?

    Your friend's,
    Indira and riley

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  32. Dear Tessa,


    We like when you discribed all the places in Europe and how beautiful they were.

    We think you should re-check the price of the trip because it will take a few thousand dollars.

    Finn's brother Eamonn went to pairs once before.

    Sincerly,
    Finn and Sonya

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  33. Dear Leo,

    We think that you did a fascinating job proving your point, otherwise we think you need to work on elaborating.Also, did you think to tell the audiance if you went on more rides?

    Your friends,
    Hazel and Gardner

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  34. Dear tessa,
    I like how you told your reader about the the places you would like to go to in Europe. You could have added a little bit more details to your reasons. What are some cool things you would like to do in Europe.

    Your friend,
    Indira

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  35. Dear Finn M,
    We liked how you said "I will change that". And we were wondering why only 3rd and 4th grade can do fund raising? And witch grades are aloud to attend jump rope for heart?
    sincerely
    Ben R + Miles P {:

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  36. Dear Griffin,

    Did you know that wobbegong sharks aren't fierce? They are bottom-feeders that camofluage themselves against the sea floor.
    Your friend,
    Malachai

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  37. Dear Lila,

    I really liked your speech because you said a lot about how Hazel is a really good friend. You also really convinced me that we should have a friend like Hazel. Your speech had a lot of words to describe Hazel, like you said "Hazel will never let you down." Is this speech to everybody?

    Your friend,
    Aurora

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  38. Dear Tessa,
    I loved your speech..."We need to go to Europe!" I loved how you...Talked to your audience!Was this to your mom and dad, just your mom, or just your dad?

    Your BFF,
    Eva!

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  39. Dear Hazel,
    I liked the part where you said kids could bake on different days. I liked it because kids can learn to bake different things on different days. Where would we do the baking?
    Sincerely,
    Leo

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  40. Dear Tessa,

    I just read your comment on my speech " we need to start school later." Thank you for asking me that question. It made me think that I should include what time I wake up at. Anyway I wake up at 6:20.
    Your friend
    Lida B

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  41. Dear Katie,

    I just saw your "We need to respect my dad" Speech. It was amazing!!
    I really liked when you made some little
    mini Story's about your dad.

    Possibly one thing you could do is focus on what is on your paper not what is around you!


    Amazing speech
    Eben

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  42. Dear Leo,
    I was thinking we could bake in the kitchen where they make lunch for the kids and we could help.
    from,
    Hazel P.

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  43. Dear Malia,
    Thanks for commenting on my speech . I should tell people how long recess should be. But I think recesses should be 35 - 40 minutes. Also thanks for saying you liked my personal stories. In my opinion it's fun. Well thanks.
    Your friend,
    Ava,

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  44. Katie I just listened to your speech and I really liked how you did a mini story .

    The thing that you should work on is to elaborate.

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  45. Dear Eben,
    Thank you for the comment. I'll make sure to comment on yours.The reason I was looking around the room while I was giving my speech is because I was scared.

    From,
    Katie.O

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  46. Dear,K.O
    I just watched"My Dad"I like how you put a lot of story's and examples in your speech.One thing you could work on is saying your speech loud and bold.
    Love,Katie.H.

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  47. Dear Ben,

    I liked how you faced the crowd. can't any one laminate? I think you should state the results in a more fun way.

    Sincerely,River

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  48. Dear Andrew and katie
    Thank you for commenting on my speech.
    And actually I am planning to do something else about hazel
    your friend
    Lila

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  49. Dear Estelle,
    thank you for listening to my speech.Next time I right with both of those in my speech.


    Crosby

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  50. Dear Indira,

    I just watched your speech about cheer, dance, and sports teams at RES and I was very impressed! I liked the way you told your audience to close their eyes and listen while you told a mini stories about how RES would be different if we had teams. It was very convincing because you directly addressed your audience and because you created a very clear pictures with lots of details.

    I am wondering if there was a section where you talked to your audience, especially Mr. Berry, about his possible concerns about having teams at RES?

    Sincerely,

    Mrs. Redford

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  51. Dear Eva
    It means so much to me you read my speech! I am glad it was inspiring! I hope i helped you. What made you read my speech?
    your friend
    Lila

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  52. Dear Lila,
    I loved it how you told the audience how I love being called weird. I also enjoyed when you said I jumped in like a crazy karate chicken to save you. And it was amazingly meaningful to hear you really proving your point out there on that very podium, really trying to let the audience how amazing of a friend I am, and just pushing yourself forward and not being shy what so ever, and just having fun. Anyhow, I have no suggestions for you AT ALL.

    The Subject Of Your Speech,

    Hazel

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  53. Dear Aurora
    Well yes and no. half of the speech was just for hazel because i did not want to hurt someones feelings. But i also wanted to show people what made a good friend .
    Your friend
    Lila

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  54. Dear Hazel,

    I like how you included how acedemics would be included.

    Mabye you could adress your audience and say where it is because we don't know who your talking to.

    If you convince them I would love to go.

    Do you know that measuring cups were how I learned fractions?

    Your Friend
    Sonya!

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  55. Dear Mrs.Redford,
    I have not thought about the concerns of my audience but I think that I did things that are similar. Thank you for saying you liked it and replying.
    Your friend,
    Indira

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  56. Dear Hazel
    WOW this is so so so meaningful I had tears in my eyes I loved it!
    But what was your opinion?I make a good friend? or You should treat me better?
    Just asking
    ~Lila

    ReplyDelete